Dominos Pizza and Caffeine Queues
by Cats-Cinnamon
Summary: It's hard being a superhero in university. It's even harder to be a super villain. Straight-laced Black Cat must deal with deal with a flirtatious, pun-spouting partner, Ladybird has to try and control her potty mouth around little kids in her Childhood and Youth course and Papillon just wants to order Dominos pizza without crying at her bank account. Hawkmoth is a uni student AU


Quick notes before we begin - these are different characters based off of Bridgette and Félix from the PV, so they share nothing in common with Adrien and Marinette other than kwamis and powers

...

An elegantly suited, masked woman glowers against the blue-white light of her laptop screen, the glare of the ladyblog video reflected off her precariously placed reading glasses. Around her, butterflies flit about, touching on her purple hair, her shoulders and her face. Papillon grins widely at something on the screen, before spluttering as a butterfly lands on her lower lip. Spitting it out, she allows it to land on her hand, unbothered that it was just about to be much-needed protein in its master's poor diet.

With a little more force than was necessary, Papillon covers the butterfly with her other hand, willing dark purple energy to coat it and turn it a malignant black and purple.

"Ahh, 8AM lectures bringing a poor psychology student down? Go forth, my little akuma and," Papillon groans as she opens the curtains and pushes the run-down single pane window open with a squeal. "Evilize her!"

Papillon thrust her hand forward, only to have the akuma stay still, waggling its feelers. She pinches her nose with her free hand. "Yeah, I thought it would work – it doesn't. Just, go make her evil or something, I don't know." The akuma fluttered off and Papillon slammed the window shut.

* * *

All Talia Simpson wanted was her caramel latte with an extra shot of espresso before her lecture in fifteen minutes. Evidently, her entire class seemed to want the same.

Honestly! Jack Wickes from the row in front already had an energy drink in his hands, yet here he was, ordering a no-fat soy cappuccino with chocolate sprinkles. He should have at least had the common courtesy to down his Monster on the way to the building like she had.

The last straw was when he _conveniently_ managed to forget to ask for it in a to-go cup, so the poor, hassled barista had to make another from scratch and the six other people in front of her let out a chorus of groans. So caught up in the red haze of anger, grey-tinged in exhaustion, she didn't notice the slightly moist purple butterfly landing on her beanie hat, phasing through the grey material and colouring it dark purple. A lavender outline of a butterfly shone around her eyes and her eyes focused forward in a way that she hadn't experienced since she started her GCSEs five years ago.

In her cramped, dark dorm room, Papillon grinned, which was echoed by Talia.

"My name is Papillon. Yours is Beanie. Late night exhaustion catching up with you? I feel you, sister. I will give you the power and energy to take revenge on the pesky people keeping you from your caffeine fix. I just need you to do a couple of things in return."

In the café, eyes turned to Talia as she echoed Papillon's grin. "Anything, Papillon."

In her generic desk chair, Papillon gave herself a celebratory spin, laughing smugly, if not a little hysterical. "Perfect. All I need you to do is bring me Ladybird and Black Cat's miraculous,"

Beanie began to speak. "Got it,"

"And also, bring me a large mocha with a caramel syrup shot."

Beanie groaned. "Right, see you in a few."

Papillon opened a bag of generic ASDA crisps with a pop. "Perfect."

* * *

Black Cat had expected the hostages. He had, annoyingly, also expected the bleary-eyed, zombie students. What he hadn't expected was _foam_.

In the middle of the café the latest akuma victim, Beanie, stood cackling on a table. In her hand, a to-go cup sloshed light brown liquid around her in a sticky, coffee-scented arc.

"Muahahaha! I, Beanie, will take your order now, Black Cat!"

Black Cat groaned at the absurdity of the villain in front of him. A young woman, obviously a student, wore a bright purple waitress dress straight from and 1950's American diner, complete with roller blades with huge coffee beans replacing the wheels. On her head was a huge metallic purple beanie, darker than the dress, with what looked like a cannon pointed at him.

"What'll it be, pussy cat? Medium roast?"

Black Cat had to leap over a table in order to scramble away from a torrent of bullet-like coffee beans.

"Ah, I see you're more of a dark roast man. That's what I like to hear! Have an espresso."

Black Cat backflipped in order to dodge the torrent of dark, steaming liquid jetting at him. Beanie used the stream to propel her, upside down, in front of Black Cat. Letting off a solid roundhouse kick, her rollerblades slashed for Black Cat's face and he pulled out his escrima sticks to block, leaping back as Beanie's, uh, beanie transformed into a cannon once more.

Beanie laughed and rollerbladed over to the coffee counter, leaping up gracefully. Pointing ahead, she cackled. "You want your coffee? Free large drink to whoever can punch Black Cat's card! Muahahahaha!"

* * *

"Bridget! Wake up!" Tikki cried, slapping the teenage girl's face with her weird flipper things. Bridget's nose crinkled, but aside from that, she remained comatose to the world. Flitting around to Bridget's unbound hair splayed on the pillow, Tikki tugged, glancing back to the cheap laptop on her charge's desk, displaying the footage of Black Cat fighting off a wave of sleep-deprived zombies.

One harsh tug later, Bridget leapt up, yelping. "What the fuck, Tikki? I don't have any classes today. Let me _sleep_."

Tikki clucked her tongue at her charge. "There's an akuma attack, Bridget!"

The student groaned and rolled, falling off her bed and landing on all fours. "Fine," She looked down at her pyjamas and shrugged. "This'll do. Tikki, transform me!"

* * *

"It took you long enough, Ladybird!" Black Cat could have wept in the relief that Ladybird's arrival brought.

Ladybird grinned, throwing her yoyo out and lassoing a large herd of students out of the way of Black Cat. "Aw, Kitten, have you _bean_ missing me?"

Black Cat groaned as Beanie cackled.

"Muahahaha! This is perfect! Ladybird and Black Cat, give me your miraculous!" Beanie called out from her perch on the counter. With the amount of coffee that had spilt out of her to-go cup, it was a wonder there was enough left for Beanie to gulp down, trickles of coffee running down her chin. With a roar of victory, Beanie swelled up. Thick, ropy muscles ripped her waitress dress' sleeves off and her thighs bulged under the short skirt. Another, louder, roar escaped her lipsticked mouth, spittle and coffee splattering Ladybird and Black Cat's faces.

"I will never give up my miraculous to you _or_ Papillon, you sick fucks!" Ladybird retorted in outrage, ignoring the look of reproach from Black Cat.

"Very well." Beanie said. With a low hiss, her beanie hat grew, the fabric converting into a huge nozzle the same size as Beanie's thick thighs.

Steamed milk shot out, slamming into Ladybird like a tidal wave that pushed her into Black Cat and congealing to stick them to the café wall.

"Ha! That'll teach you to keep me from my buzz!" Beanie cried and jumped down from the counter, leisurely gliding towards the super duo.

Ladybird laughed and leaned closer into Black Cat's slight frame. "Wow, she sure is _bitter_ this morning." She murmured into his leather cat ear.

Black Cat shuddered and flushed. "Can you not press into me so much?" He groaned, struggling to release an arm from the foam.

"Don't you mean, can I stop _grinding_ into you?" Ladybird grinned.

Black Cat closed his eyes, suffocating a grumble. "I can't take it any more – _cataclysm_!"

Black Cat spread out from his hand, evaporating the foam keeping the duo trapped together. Ladybird dropped to her knees before swiftly standing back up and Black Cat edged away from her.

Beanie cocked her head to the side slightly. "The cat didn't like his steamed milk? Prefer your coffee black, huh?"

Black Cat crossed his arms, ignoring the beep of his ring. "I'm always more of a tea drinker."

Beanie's beanie transformed again into a much smaller weapon. "Well, I'm more than _frappe_ to oblige any of your hot drink needs, Black Cat." With a series of thunks, tea bags shot towards the two.

Ladybird pushed Black Cat down, the tea bags sailing past harmlessly and embedding into the wall.

"Now might be the time to call your lucky charm, Ladybird." Black Cat growled out. Ladybird nodded.

Leaping up from the floor, Ladybird thrust her yoyo into the air and called upon her attack. A flash of pink light later, a child's magnetic fishing pole dropped into her hands.

Beanie laughed once more. "What do you think you're going to do with _that_?"

Ladybird glanced around. "I'm sure I can _brew_ up a plan."

Black Cat's ring beeped again. "Well hurry up!"

Beanie roared and charged, Black Cat leaping over tables in order to meet her halfway there with his escrima sticks.

As the two engaged in a glorious duel, Ladybird snuck around them to climb onto the counter. There, she waited, even as her earrings beeped.

Unable to get a hit on him with her huge fists, Beanie was forced to grab his sticks and grapple with them. Focused on her face, Black Cat didn't notice as her Beanie converted into a gun, a single coffee bean cocked to shoot at him. The trigger pulled, and…

The beanie flew into the air, the coffee bean shooting the ceiling instead. Ladybird reeled it back quickly before it converted back into simple fabric. Ripping it apart, she captured the akuma. "Hah! All froth, and no substance!" She said in victory before releasing the white butterfly.

Beanie shrank, her outfit converting back into Talia's t-shirt and jeans, her beanie back on her head. Tutting at the mess, Ladybird threw the plastic fishing rod into the air, crying, "Miraculous cure!"

A swarm of ladybirds flew around the room, waking up the caffeine zombies and fixing the broken furniture.

* * *

As Black Cat and Ladybird shook hands, Papillon bellowed in frustration, which was echoed by a loud stomp on the ceiling from the flat above. Calling off her transformation, Papillon became a dishevelled young woman in short pyjamas with haggard dark circles under her eyes and her purple hair in a messy ponytail.

Nooroo fluttered out of his brooch, staring at her with worried eyes. "Master?" He carefully inquired. She pulled a hand down her face.

"I told you to just call me Emily, Nooroo." She said.

Nooroo nodded.

"I can't believe they foiled me yet again, Nooroo! I must have their miraculous! I want that absolute power!"

"But what do you plan to with it?" Nooroo asked.

Emily closed her laptop and pushed away from the desk. "I don't know. I'll probably order a Dominos or something."

...

Yeah, we're set in England, mostly because I'm lazy. Like a typical grumpy Brit, Felix doesn't 'pound fists', he shakes hands. This was written at 3AM and I wouldn't be surprised if this is actually what will happen to me tomorrow before my society meeting. I'll probably continue if enough people are into it.


End file.
